Dear Diary
by ginnygirl2
Summary: Keeping a diary means writing down your hidden secrets and desires.  What do you thik are the hidden desires of a certain red headed girl?


A/N: So this is a random story that I started a few months back. Took me a while to write but I really like how it turned out. If I get god feedback about it I might write a sequel to it. Let me know what you think of that idea! Enjoy!

* * *

"Keep a Diary and someday it will keep you."

* * *

Dear diary, Sunday, September 1st

I am starting my 6th year at school today. I sit here on the train back to school as we speak. And as I sit here, surrounded by family, friends, and a boy who finally loves me, I cannot help but feel a little lackluster about my life. Ever since the war ended, it is as if there is no more excitement in my life anymore; as if everything thrilling that use to happen in my life has been banished completely. And now that it is gone, I crave for it to return. Everyone is so happy that the war is over. And although I am relieved that all threats are gone, I miss the intoxicating feeling I get during the adrenaline rush of the war. I already know what would be the perfect replacement for that rush of adrenaline during battle; the rush of ecstasy during a passionate moment.

Unfortunately for me, the boy I am with is anything but passionate, and does not seem to get the hint that I am. I pined after him for five years, and now he is finally mine. But as each day goes on, the less and less I want him to be. He is who I am expected to be with, and I must do what is expected of me. It does not matter how unhappy I am or how much I want things to change. The only thing that matters is to make everyone else pleased with me. So now I must settle and plan my future with him. How much that hurt my heart when I think about it. As I spend each day with him as my boyfriend, I slowly feel the fiery passion that is me die inside. It is slowly slipping away and I do not know how to save it from ultimately ending. I ultimately just have to face the fact; that part of me will never come alive again. I will never be able to show a true man how passionate I really am. I guess I am just destined to become as boring as my brother Percy. And what a horrible thought that is. So tonight I will walk into the Great Hall with a smile on my face even though I am dying in side.

Dear Diary, Monday, September 2nd

Last night at the feast, the unexpected happened. As I ate my dinner, with my eyes wondering around the room, the locked with the most surprising of people. We stared at each other for what seemed like hours although it was only minutes. His silver eyes cut into mine and searched my soul as I explored his. They sent shots of electricity throughout my whole body; the longer he explored, the more intense the shots became. It was the most wondrous of feelings. I had never felt anything like that with any boy. But for some reason, this boy I have barely said ten words to is the one to bring my fire back to life with just one glance. I have been wishing for more ever since that moment.

I do not understand these weird feelings. It's not as if this is the first time seeing him; although it felt like it was. I have seen him around the school for many years, and I had always seen the same thing; a Slytherin in the class ahead of me. Nothing more. But now, I see him as so much more. I see him as the man who could give me everything I have craved for, for so long. I hope to god I am able to search those beautiful eyes again today. To feel that electrical current run through my body is all I want. It was all I thought about last night as I dreamed of those stormy eyes. I want it so bad. I will sneak as many glances to get as many currents as I can. It will be the only thing that will finish repairing the fire in my soul.

Dear Diary, Tuesday, September 8th

It has been over a week since I got my first glance into those beautiful eyes. Ever since, I have been stealing glances at every meal; breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And it seems that he enjoys it just as much as I do. I know this because he never looks away. Each time we lock eyes, it seems he has a craving just as strong as mine. He wants me just as I want him. We want from afar never doing anything about it. I look into those silver eyes as he looks into my chocolate ones, and we explore each other for who we really are, not just the masks we put on to fool people. I always thought I knew this boy, but I have found out I was extremely wrong. He has feelings, he has emotions; he just refuses to show them. He is scared to look weak to others, so he hides them from the world. It seems I am the first one he has allowed to see them. It makes me feel so special that he allows me to see them. It is not just me that is allowed to see the person behind the mask. I allow him to see the true me also. I show him the passion I crave for but hide from all. I show him that I am stronger then I look. I show him everything I hide so my boyfriend feels better of himself. I show him everything.

When we look at each other, I think about things; thing I have never thought of before. I want to know what it feels like to have those beautifully defined arms around me. I want to know what those full lips taste like. I want to know what it is like to have his body pressed against mine. I want to know everything. I have never thought before about anyone; until him. He makes things different for me. He gives me feelings I have never felt before. And although I have only had a taste of these unusual feelings, I crave for more every moment. I do not know what to do about this new found hunger of mine. For now, all I can do is feed it as best I can with our stolen glances. It seems that is all I can do.

Dear Diary, Wednesday, September 16th

I feel like I am going crazy. All I do is think about him. It is as if it's taken over me. When I sit in class, I cannot concentrate. My teachers fear I am going ill because of my obvious lack of attention in both classes and on assignments. If only I could explain it to anyone. But no one would understand. Even my best friend, who is considered loony herself, would think I was going mad. All I can do is pine after a man I cannot have, and settle for a man I don't want. If only I could find a way to meet him in secret, then maybe there would be a slight chance of making my dreams reality. It is hard to accept that this gorgeous man is in the same building with me every day, yet it feels he is on a different continent entirely. It seems unfair that I can't even find out if he likes me back; if he craves me as much as I crave him.

I guess the relieving part of this whole thing is that the guy I settled for is completely oblivious to the whole thing. He does not see that my feelings for him have faded and the intense feelings for another. He has always been this oblivious and self absorbed man, I just never noticed until now. How I could of ever overlooked such a huge part of his personality is beyond me. Why does life have to be so cruel to me sometimes. It is as if it wants to deliberately keep me in everlasting crave and never satisfy my hunger. Just one touch, and I might be satisfied.

Dear Diary, Wednesday, September 30th

It has finally happened; after weeks of waiting and going crazy. I finally met him. It was in the hallway between classes that I finally got to feel the brush of his hand against mine. And although it was for only the briefest of moments it was still completely exhilarating. It was all so sudden to. I was on my way to potions class, when the klutz that I am spilled all my books onto the ground. Embarrassed and annoyed, I tried to collect my books as quickly as I could, when a pale hand appeared in my field of vision holding one of my books. And when I went to grab it, our fingers touched. Oh diary, it was even better then I expected. I felt as if there was an explosion inside of me and I was reborn. My heart and soul felt as if they were finally completed. But the problem was, this strange feeling scared me so much, I pulled away after only a few seconds; although I wish I hadn't. I was so embarrassed about stopping the connection I just mumbled a thank you and walked away. I didn't even look back; although I wish I had. I want to know if he watched me walk away. I want to know everything about him. I want to know him.

Dear Diary October 16th

My faith grows stronger. I see him every day now, and never by accident. We meet in a specific spot everyday; we talk and laugh. We touch and kiss. And every moment I am with him, I feel more and more complete. But with that feeling of completion comes a feeling of fear. What would my family say if they knew of my affair with this man. They would certainly abandon me. They would hate me forever for choosing this man over every other one in our community. But I cannot help how I feel. I am falling in love with him. No matter what anyone says or believes I know he loves me too. He has told me multiple times and I honestly believe him.

I wish so badly that my family will understand when the secret is finally revealed. I just pray that one day they will forgive me for the betrayal I have been committing. You cannot help who or how you fall in love; it just happens. Sometimes everyone is happy about it; and sometimes only those in love are. I have to tell my family soon. He keeps speaking of us running away together. He wants us to go away before either of us are killed in the war. He wants it to end in the fall of the enemy as much as I do. He is not the man my family or I thought he was. He is truly on our side of this fight. I just wish there was some way of being able to show my family that. But no matter what he or I do, they will never believe us. They will only believe in what they have been taught to believe.

Dear Diary, November 12th

We have made our decision. Today is my last day at school. At midnight we plan to leave and never return to this place until it is safe for us to be in public together. Our plan is to go to Italy and live there until the war ends. We will gain low end jobs and survive on his saved up riches as well as we can until the war is over and we can gain our properly earned jobs that we deserve. I hope this works out for the best. He asked me to marry him last night and I said yes. We plan on marrying the moment we reach Italy.

I know this is the right move Diary. He is my love, my soul mate. He is the man I was meant to be with. He is the man I know I am going to spend the rest of my life with; in perpetual happiness. I do not know the next time I will be able to write in you Diary. It will not be safe for me to continue to write down my thoughts and daily life anymore. I hope one day I will be able to pick up my pen again and continue on with this story I started. Of a boy and me. Hopefully next time it will be of our happiness and not of our troubles. So until that day comes I say to goodbye.


End file.
